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I feel very
I feel very guilty and incredibly worthless and I don't know why.
submitted by Maggie
(November 24, 2013 - 2:24 pm)
(November 24, 2013 - 2:24 pm)
I feel very guilty and incredibly worthless and I don't know why.
1. Every single one of you is 110% done with me. I only care about this because I'm a self-centered brat.
2. The amount of self-pity and self-hatred I have is unhealthy and no one believes that I actually hate myself this much because apparently, normal people don't talk about how much they hate themselves. *smiles tightly*
3. My opinion is very uneducated and makes people mad. For example, according to my sister, atheists aren't supposed to say that they're atheists, but Christians could jabber on about Jesus and God and the Bible for a MiLlIoN YeArS and everyone would still love them. (I'm in a really really awful mood and apologize for offending anyone.)
Being around smart people makes me feel like even more of an idiot.
(December 27, 2013 - 8:05 am)
1. You know, I should officially change my name to Chopped Liver and be done with it. Then I wouldn't have to keep on asking if I am that.
You're not a self-centered brat. At all.
2. Normal people don't normally hate themselves all that much. Some people let hatred out. Some people keep it in. That's just how life is. Although I am flattered that you're starting to talk like me. I'm also slightly disturbed because I am sure talking like me is not entirely healthy.
3. Why is your sister the ulitmate authority on atheism? It's not a bad thing to be an atheist, but it can be hard to flaunt your beliefs (and don't say you don't have any, you don't believe there is a God, and that counts as a belief) in a society with different beliefs. If you want to deal with people arguing with you and telling you you're wrong, then go ahead and be loud and proud and share your beliefs. If you want other people to stop telling you you're wrong, then be silent and be an atheist in peace. And if people try to tell you about religions you don't believe in, smile and nod, thank them, and walk away.
Was this observation totally unrelated, or connected to the above paragraph? Because, if so, I'm not sure where you're getting the "smart people" from, as what I know of your sister doesn't seem to fall under that criterion.
(December 27, 2013 - 11:48 am)
1. .....sorry, I guess? I'm really bad at talking to people and being nice to people and just....people. Ugh. I feel like my opinion is worth less than nothing and so I feel like no one else values my opinion either.
Thank you that's a very nice thing to say (as I said before, I really suck at human interactions)
2. I'm subnormal then. I hate absolutely everything about myself. Absolutely. Everything. (I'm even self-conscious about my taste in music, because my taste in music is apparently not normal)
3. Oh, she's not the ultimate authority on atheism. She just likes making me feel like my opinion is worthless. I know it's not a bad thing, but I live in North Carolina, where everyone is religious except for the minority. Seriously, in the seventh grade at my school (about 400 students in the seventh grade) there's maybe 10 atheists. But that's why I like Instagram, because I can flaunt my beliefs all I want without being judged too much.
It was unrelated. Talking to really smart people (for example, you guys) makes me feel like an idiot because you're all really smart and accomplished and awesome and stuff and I'm just sort of....there.
(December 27, 2013 - 4:01 pm)
1. No, it's fine. I just don't like repeating myself a lot so I decided to shake things up. In other news, I made a sign for my desk that says, "C. Liver, Esq." I intend to use it whenever anyone says anything like, "Everybody likes chocolate!"
2. You're not sub-anything. Who says you aren't super-normal? Loving oneself is pride, isn't it? So then having no pride could be considered better, and thus super-normal. What kind of music do you like? I know what bands but have no idea what kind of music they are because I don't pay attention to anything popular.
3. Your sister is most likely also that very lovely word I used to describe your parents. Do you know why she feels like that? Maybe if you can find out why she tries to make you feel like your opinions are worthless, you can reach an agreement of some kind so she won't tell you rude things.
I'm not smart at all, I just know a lot of useless stuff. I gurantee I will never once in my life need to know the names of the seven deadly sins in Japanese or the word you use to count sins. I have done nothing. I'm not accomplished at all. I fantasize. I think, Hmm, maybe I could make something. But I don't have the skill/equipment. Meh. Let's go read now.
You're an accomplished, creative writer, Ruby.
Admin
(December 27, 2013 - 9:45 pm)
1. I would do something like that, if I went to a more interesting school.
2. Let's see. Some of my music is somewhat "normal" (aka pop music) according to my sister, but recently I've started listening to....I don't know, exactly. I'm pretty sure most of my music is kind of indie/alternative, and I don't look like the kind of person who would listen to that kind of music, so I can't even talk about my music tastes without feeling self-conscious.
3. *snickers* Yes, yes she is. I know exactly why she does stuff like this. It's because she doesn't like things/people that are different, and she's trying to make me become normal by telling me that atheism is "abnormal" and "just a phase." Silly girl. She actually thinks that I care what people think of my beliefs. Her opinion doesn't have an effect on me, really. It's just annoying because she brings up religion at the strangest of times and occasionally prevents me from making friends. When I say "the strangest of times," I MEAN IT. Seriously, we'll just be in the car listening to the radio or something and she'll just say something like, "Hey Maggie are you still an atheist or is that phase over?"
You're smart. You're in an IB school, aren't you? Just trust me when I say that I don't usually sound particularly smart irl (at least not in my opinion).
(December 28, 2013 - 1:24 am)
1. My school isn't all that interesting to me, really. I bet no one will understand the sign at all.
2. I know a ton of middle school and high school kids who listen to indie/alternative stuff. People always tell me I don't look like someone who listens to death metal, but I do. It's just a music preference. It doesn't really matter.
3. It seems to me that she might not feel "normal" herself, so she may be trying to subconsciously make you more "normal" so that you can either not have to feel what she does, or she'll subconsciously feel like she's made herself more "normal". She might also like feeling "different" and tries to assert her differences by forcing other objects and beings around her to become more "normal".
I always wonder why people say "in real life". If the place where you sit with your physical body is your real life, is the Internet another life? Do people have multiple lives? It just seems weird to me.
(December 28, 2013 - 4:52 pm)
2. I care way too much what people think of me. Don't you know that by now? When I tell people I like alternative music, they don't believe me. They're just like, "But you don't look like you'd listen to [insert band here]" and it makes me mad so I don't talk about my taste in music.
3. She thinks that she's the most normal person in the world, and anyone who isn't a lot like her is abnormal and needs to become normal. At least, that's what she seems to think. I don't talk to her unless it's absolutely necessary. (.....my sister is Hitler. Wow.)
The internet kind of is another life for me. I can be more confident on the internet, and I can talk to the kind of people I'd never talk to in real life, and...yeah. Basically, I'm cooler on the internet than I am elsewhere.
(December 28, 2013 - 10:12 pm)
2. This is the moment you make up witty comebacks! My favorite one for occasions like this is, "You listen to [insert band they like here], right? That's funny, because you certainly don't look intelligent enough to like them." Or "It's an awful good thing that looks don't indicate music preference, because I wouldn't think much of your taste in music." Or you could be civil, unlike me, and tell them that appearance has absolutely nothing to do with music preference, then change the conversation, or ask them about their own music tastes. People love to talk about themselves, and they will quite happily continue the conversation once it turns to their own likes and dislikes.
3. Wait. Didn't you say that your sister (Tess? Right?) has depression? She considers that to be the most normal? ... Well, okay. It's perfectly normal to have sections of your personality break off from your mind and talk to you. It's also perfectly normal to think you have magic. The rest of the world is abnormal. Shame on you all, unmagical people. Really, that's a weird way of thinking. Do your parents know that your sister is being mean to you?
Still, I wonder what makes me people think the Internet is any "less real" than the place where they get up and go to work or school every morning. What makes words less real than actions? isn't the pen supposed to be mightier than the sword? The world is a pretty weird place, if you think about it.
(December 31, 2013 - 12:12 am)
2. I'll try that and let you know how it works out.
3. Yes, she does have depression. She doesn't consider mental illness to be normal, and doesn't even acknowledge her own depressive state. My parents know Tess is being mean to me. All they do is tell me not to get worked up about it. I don't get mad when she mocks me for being an atheist, but I really don't like it when she mocks me about other aspects of my personality, and I usually end up slapping her in the face. And so my parents get mad at me for slapping her, but really they should focus on what Tess did wrong, because while I shouldn't have reacted so strongly to her comment, I wouldn't have slapped her if she hadn't said that.
"Real life" is where you interact with people face-to-face, and therefore the internet is not "real life."
(December 31, 2013 - 9:59 am)
3. Your poor family. I feel bad for all of you. Here's first piece of advice: Don't slap her in the face. Especially in front of your parents. (Now, if you're home alone, say, then...) Second piece: Talk to Tess and ask her to please respect your feelings and not bring up your beliefs or criticize your behaviors because it makes you feel uncomfortable. She's older than you, isn't she? She seems to me she's almost acting like a much younger sibling. Worst comes to worst, you could ask a counselor for help. I know you don't like them, but I think they're probably more used to sibling fights than I am.
Captcha says enmc. I think captcha said this before, but I'm on my mom's iPad so I can't check with my computer's auto fill until later.
(December 31, 2013 - 1:59 pm)
3. Ha. No, that won't work, because she'll tell on me, and my parents like her better. When our parents leave the two of us at home by ourselves, we usually get into fights over something. She usually starts the violence. When I fight back, she tells our parents "MAGGIE SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE!" and conveniently forgets to mention that she started it. When/if I tell my parents that Tess started it, they don't believe me, because they don't like me and they say I'm open about my mental health because I want attention. If I wanted attention, I would have stopped with the depression thing by now, because I haven't received any sort of positive attention from this.
She won't listen if I politely ask her to stop, because she hates me. Politeness gets me nowhere with any of the people I see frequently.
(December 31, 2013 - 5:28 pm)
Sorry to interrupt the flow of thoughts.
I think that atheists can talk about their state to anyone, which a lot of my friends have confessed to me.
It isn't cool when people tease certain aspects of someone's personality, especially if someone is in a sad state. Try imagining to slap your sister maybe, I think that your parents just don't like visible physical abuse even though (sadly) they don't see the verbal abuse which can hurt as well.
(December 31, 2013 - 4:29 pm)
Just out of curiosity, what is the word you use to count sins?
(January 1, 2014 - 10:21 pm)
Oh, in Japanese? In Japanese, you use words called "counters" to count things (well, duh). I mean, if you want to say two cats you can't say "ni neko" (literally, two cats) but the counter for small animals plus cat, so "nihiki neko". Sins use the counter for round or irrgularly shaped objects (although I have no idea how anyone found out the shape of a sin), the "tsu" counter. So:
One sin= hitotsu no tsumi (the no is a particle, a piece of grammar, ignore it)
two sins= futatsu no tsumi
three sins= mittsu no tsumi
four sins= yottsu no tsumi
five sins= itsutsu no tsumi
six sins= muitsu no tsumi
seven sins= nanatsu no tsumi
how many sins?= ikutsu no tsumi
And now you, too, know useless information! Hasn't your life been enriched?
(January 2, 2014 - 12:21 am)
That is really cool.
(January 4, 2014 - 8:32 am)