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Chatterbox: Down to Earth
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Okay. I don't like when other people enter these kinds of comments, but I think something needs to be said.
The Chatterbox is beginning to creak at the seams. It's still a ways away from falling apart, but that event is coming. New joiners scarcely ever come back, and the subject-pages are clogged and seem to be decaying a little. Why?
Not because of the Politics Thread. Not because of the petty 'wars' that take place every now and again. Not because of differences in views.
It is, in my mind, a result of the new in-flow of personal threads that has been going on for a bit now. This is a very touchy and sensitive subject, and I don't know if I'm really authorized to speak on it, and the Admins shouldn't publish it if it hurts the community. All right.
By personal threads, I mean those threads people start in which they talk about the problems they are having in their lives.
Now let me get one thing straight-- I wholey understand why these threads are made. I get why people want to share their sad experiences with folk they like, but don't really know in real life and will probably never meet. It's not difficult or embarassing to empty your troubles out into the cyber-ears of people you will never see, but who like you and will be happy to condole, empathize, and sympathize with, and encourage, you. With 'real' people, you have to calculate with your real relationships with those people, and also face losing their respect or regard or friendship, or just the embarassment and general discomfort of discussing things like this with them. I get all of this.
But I think that is not what the Chatterbox is for. It is for writing and reading and for sharing the love of these things, and for the fellowship of people like oneself in a safe, comfortable and free environment. It is the best site for this purpose that I have ever seen. Kids of all ages can feel welcome here, and can interact with others without being condescended to or looked down upon. Or that was how it used to be. When I first joined, things were brighter and busier. Now they seem to be on the way to stagnation.
People, especially those who are quite young, come here to be happy. They do not come to be battered with everyone's emotional and often 'mature' problems. These problems clog up the site and make especially younger prospective joiners feel unwelcome. It takes from the reading-and-writing aspect of the site, and even occasionally challenges the safety aspect, too.
I know that this is asking a lot, but-- could people perhaps find another place to share their problems? I am aware that this is a readily available place where you stand little danger of being ridiculed or disregarded, where comfort and encouragement is always available, and where you can at last relieve yourself a little of some of the burdens of your life. But that just isn't what the Chatterbox is for.
I'd also remind everyone that, although the CBers here will offer advice, sympathy, and words of cheer there is little we can actually DO for you. I would advise you to take courage and look to the 'real' people in your life, who can really help you. It does no one any good for someone to neglect their relationships wth the people they meet every day, and to pour themselves out into people they will never meet.
Please understand that I am not angry with anyone, that I am in no way attempting to offend or hurt anyone, and that I'm not trying to be a goody-goody. I'm truly sorry if I have caused any damage. Please don't anyone take this wrong! And Admins, if this thread is publication-appropriate, please give it a chance! 'Bye! :)
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Esthelle. There are still plenty of writing and book threads on Chatterbox, but let's see if others agree that there are too many personal problem threads.
Admin
submitted by Esthelle (Es-thel-ay, age Anonymous, Rivendell (I wish) ;)
(June 11, 2016 - 3:20 pm)
(June 11, 2016 - 3:20 pm)
Thank you S.E. I've always felt the same way.
(June 12, 2016 - 1:04 pm)
Oh no! Did the thread I made about when I was moving contribute? I mean, I just made it to tell you why I'd be gone for a few days, but it technically was personal.... I feel miserable now. Oh mah cat. Oh mah meowing cat.......
(June 12, 2016 - 9:49 am)
I doubt it. That was what, last month?
@Cayke, that sounds great!
(June 12, 2016 - 7:27 pm)
That's a relief.
(June 15, 2016 - 9:56 pm)
DtE is for talking about the world's issues, and like Danie said, emotional support! Like TARDISrider said, we are there when other people aren't!
And it's okay if you don't like personal problems, but isn't it a little rude to tell someone with an issue to go "find another place"? "Kids of all ages can feel welcome here"? Telling someone ot go away isn't very welcoming, in my opinion.
(June 12, 2016 - 10:00 am)
You're right, nobody should be telling anyone to go away, but we all have problems and lots of people post about them. I think all we can say is "oh sorry that's too bad but we will always be here for you". I don't think we can actually do anything. People, instead of complaining to everyone else, keep a diary. That might help you express your feelings better. Go for a walk, sing a song. Connect with family. If we absolutely have to post on here about personal problems, let's just start a thread and keep it at the top. Title it something like "need support?" Just my thoughts. Let's make the CB a fun, lively place full of friendly debates!
(June 12, 2016 - 2:38 pm)
If that's all it becomes, I'll be leaving. You need a dose of emotion and, frankly, a little bit of darkness to balance out the optimism and peppiness or older CBers will be driven away as the site becomes too cheery and childish.
And everyone's saying "oh, connect with family, talk to friends..." what if we don't have friends? What if we're an outcast, a loner, an introvert, whatever? What if we have a dysfunctional family (ooh boy, that's a scary word, kids) or parents who are always arguing all the time or siblings who don't listen? What if CBers are the only people we're ever able to really talk to about this stuff?
(June 12, 2016 - 4:50 pm)
Shhh... I stole my dad's computer (we're on vacation in Hawaii and my laptop is at home) so this will have to be brief. Esthelle, I see your point, and it is a very good one, but I disagree to a certain degree. Part of CB's slowing down might be due to the fact that a lot of people were recently very busy, and now that it's summer, on trips away from computers and therefore away from CB. (Cough, me.)
I also don't really think that it's a problem people sharing their troubles on CB. . . I've done it, and sometimes I'm really feeling down and I want someone to tell me that I'm amazing and it's all OK. I often feel like my parents wouldn't get it, my brother would laugh at me, and my friends wouldn't know what to say. You know? Like nobody quite knows what you're going through.
But you guys are more like me than my in-real-life buddies (they're awesome, don't get me wrong), and I also like seeing you guys as real people, not just constantly cheerful bookworms. Nothing against constantly cheeful bookworms, but I like y'all more as humans with problems just like me, not "Hiya, my life is perfect and you're the only one who cries yourself to sleep at night!"
Like, we're people living in our crazy worlds and trying to escape. And I understand you want to keep CB as that escape and not as part of the insanity.
But hey. I get depressed. I get mad. I feel like the world's against me. I cry until I can't any more, and I lash out at people who just try to help.
We all do at some point.
But on CB, I try to be happy, witty, and give everyone virtual hot chocolate when they're sad. I love you all more when I realize you trust me and the rest of us enough to tell us these things. I feel like we're more united that way, not pulling apart our community. It's nice to know what's going on in your life, chat with you guys about life, and life isn't always sweet and dandy. There are bad, scary things. There are tears and betrayal.
I'm not trying to be negative.
IT'S FLUFFIN' TRUE.
Whoops, my mom's telling me to get off the computer. See you all!
(June 12, 2016 - 4:27 pm)
I think things like moving and saying goodbye to friends and feeling depressed are a part of most everyone on here's lives. I think it's okay if we occasionally share our feelings. Quite frankly though, I don't think we need to get too personal. Asking for encouragement because you messed up on an audition (*smiles embarrasedly*) is fine, but I honestly think that "crushes" are a bit too personal. I don't do that stuff but I know some of you might. As far as deep personal/spiritual hurt goes, I don't think that that is the right thing to post on the chatterbox. I do pray for you and think about you all when I know that you are going through or have gone trhough a tough or embarrassing time! And if you think whatever is wrong is too personal, just say "I need a hug." I promise you'll probably have at least three virtual hugs before the thread falls down to the next page. It feels good to know that you have friends who love you for who you are, so I don't think that we should cut down on the more personal threads, just try not to get too personal.
(June 12, 2016 - 7:34 pm)
I agree with the person with the blank name.
I know that CBers may just be on the other side of the screen, I know you shouldn't really trust people on the internet, but ya know, CB is actually pretty safe. And I think it's okay to talk about problems on here, maybe that's just what we need.
(June 12, 2016 - 9:14 pm)
Guys, I think of all of you as friends. Friends are there for each other, have fun with each other of course, but also to lean on each other. A lot of the problems that other cbers have written us about are big things. As friends, we should help them. If you are uncomfortable taking issues to your parents, you take it to friends. Friends have a special bond that way. If friends can't rely on each other for help, that kills the point, doesn't it? We need to listen to to our cber friends and help them through their issues.
(June 12, 2016 - 9:30 pm)
Firstly, very well said, Esthelle, but I do disagree.
You are judging the current state of events of an ever changing community of people by a stable and unchanging outlook.
Writing and reading are only two aspects of Chatterbox, hence the sections for certain subjects. DtE is for talking about the world around you, and sometimes that means sorrow and emotional confilct. While yes, we shouldn't be negative, life isn't all butterflies and rainbows, and there will be rough spots. We shouldn't deny this, there is conflict and sorrow and it is something that happens to all of us.
Yes, there is little we can actually do for other's real life problems here. However, to many people this community is near and dear to their hearts, and what emotional support is valued highly.
Yes, no one comes here to be battered by other people's problems, but you missed something. We're friends. A trouble shared is a trouble halved. If there was something wrong in your life, wouldn't you want to tell your friends?
l don't see it as a problem, as someone who's been around long enough to see plenty of overreacting over things, l believe that overreacting happens to be the case. l have counted about three....ish threads that you think are a problem, all on DtE and nowhere else. Each section of Chatterbox holds fifteen threads per page. Clogging CB up? l think not.
As for the emotional inpact, l cannot measure that. However, these threads have always been around and we're used to them. If you don't read 'em, they don't bother you. As for burdening the younger CBers, what? l see hardly any of this problem that you speak of.
You keep mentioning these over-emotional, depressing threads clogging up CB and undermining the whole purpose of this website, but l simply do not see this problem that you are talking about.
Until there is a logical reason to, l disagree with your views, Esthelle. l can't see any actual problem here.
Also--Elmodasiy, complaining does have actual psychological benefits.
(June 12, 2016 - 9:39 pm)
I agree, complaining helps, but saying it to people online? Who you don't know? I know it is easier, but I really think parents and friends would help better. All they have to do is pluck up the courage to ask! I actually used to go to a therapist for depression, and if it gets that bad or frequent, ask if you can go to. It really helped me. It is hard for me to imagine someone with absolutely no one to confide in.
(June 13, 2016 - 6:30 am)
As " " said, some of us don't have friends and family, for whatever reason, that we can talk to about these things. l have a very loving family, but l find it hard to talk to them about emotional conflcit, and they don't understand me too well. Some of us are intorverted, shy, we can't talk to people easily.
It's exactly because we don't know each other and are mostly under aliases that we can talk about this sort of thingn easily, with far more comfort then in real life.
Yes, it does help to talk to people in real life, but some of can't do that, and this is Plan B for them. They do not have no one to confide to, because they have this place. If personal problem threads are not allowed, then they will truely be alone in with their troubles and no one to turn to.
Would you like to do that to someone? To leave them alone in their sorrow, because they "shouldn't clog up CB and burdan everyone with their problems"? To remove the only source of support and love and understanding in their life? Some of you do have friends and family who give you support, but some of us do not, we're loners by heart, but we still need support and this is the only place we can get it.
Judge it for yourself.
(June 13, 2016 - 12:10 pm)
Well said, Shadow Dragon. I totally agree. The fact is that one can't really assume that the reason chatterbox is what Estelle calls creaking at the seams is because of the really personal posts. It could be for a number of reasons. And still others may even disagree with Estelle's assessment that it is creaking at all. The fact is short of polling people, you really don't know what people are thinking and even then only some people may voice their opinions while others remain silent. And then of course there are the people who have already left. You can't even poll them but you also can't assume you know why they left. All people can do is speak for themselves. That said, there have been plenty of posts that suggest that people despite all the rps and such still feel disconnected with other people here. Why don't we tackle that. But instead of assuming things, why don't we have a real discussion as to why that is. To me, that would be the most constructive thing to do.
Speaking for myself, I enjoy reading about people's personal stories including the really personal ones dealing with heartbreak, frustration, anxieties, etc. if for no other reason that I recognize myself in them and don't feel so alone. It's also partly why I am drawn to certain books because on some level they speak to me and for me. Even the most fantastical stories speak to the human condition. In other words, these are the stories, that make their way into the books that we read and the stories that we hope to write about. And I for one would rather give people the opportunity to tell their stories rather than shutting them down. And there is more than room enough for them on Chatterbox.
(June 13, 2016 - 8:27 am)