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Chatterbox: Down to Earth
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Okay. I don't like when other people enter these kinds of comments, but I think something needs to be said.
The Chatterbox is beginning to creak at the seams. It's still a ways away from falling apart, but that event is coming. New joiners scarcely ever come back, and the subject-pages are clogged and seem to be decaying a little. Why?
Not because of the Politics Thread. Not because of the petty 'wars' that take place every now and again. Not because of differences in views.
It is, in my mind, a result of the new in-flow of personal threads that has been going on for a bit now. This is a very touchy and sensitive subject, and I don't know if I'm really authorized to speak on it, and the Admins shouldn't publish it if it hurts the community. All right.
By personal threads, I mean those threads people start in which they talk about the problems they are having in their lives.
Now let me get one thing straight-- I wholey understand why these threads are made. I get why people want to share their sad experiences with folk they like, but don't really know in real life and will probably never meet. It's not difficult or embarassing to empty your troubles out into the cyber-ears of people you will never see, but who like you and will be happy to condole, empathize, and sympathize with, and encourage, you. With 'real' people, you have to calculate with your real relationships with those people, and also face losing their respect or regard or friendship, or just the embarassment and general discomfort of discussing things like this with them. I get all of this.
But I think that is not what the Chatterbox is for. It is for writing and reading and for sharing the love of these things, and for the fellowship of people like oneself in a safe, comfortable and free environment. It is the best site for this purpose that I have ever seen. Kids of all ages can feel welcome here, and can interact with others without being condescended to or looked down upon. Or that was how it used to be. When I first joined, things were brighter and busier. Now they seem to be on the way to stagnation.
People, especially those who are quite young, come here to be happy. They do not come to be battered with everyone's emotional and often 'mature' problems. These problems clog up the site and make especially younger prospective joiners feel unwelcome. It takes from the reading-and-writing aspect of the site, and even occasionally challenges the safety aspect, too.
I know that this is asking a lot, but-- could people perhaps find another place to share their problems? I am aware that this is a readily available place where you stand little danger of being ridiculed or disregarded, where comfort and encouragement is always available, and where you can at last relieve yourself a little of some of the burdens of your life. But that just isn't what the Chatterbox is for.
I'd also remind everyone that, although the CBers here will offer advice, sympathy, and words of cheer there is little we can actually DO for you. I would advise you to take courage and look to the 'real' people in your life, who can really help you. It does no one any good for someone to neglect their relationships wth the people they meet every day, and to pour themselves out into people they will never meet.
Please understand that I am not angry with anyone, that I am in no way attempting to offend or hurt anyone, and that I'm not trying to be a goody-goody. I'm truly sorry if I have caused any damage. Please don't anyone take this wrong! And Admins, if this thread is publication-appropriate, please give it a chance! 'Bye! :)
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Esthelle. There are still plenty of writing and book threads on Chatterbox, but let's see if others agree that there are too many personal problem threads.
Admin
submitted by Esthelle (Es-thel-ay, age Anonymous, Rivendell (I wish) ;)
(June 11, 2016 - 3:20 pm)
(June 11, 2016 - 3:20 pm)
Hey, I was blank first! (Kidding.)
I agree 100% with what Indigo said. It was pretty much exactly what I was trying and failing to say. Making everyone pretend they're all smiles is not a good idea.
(June 14, 2016 - 6:12 pm)
Actually, never mind. Admins, can you please delete my last post? I think that we should just keeps things down to DTE. I do think that the CB is great for emotional support.
But here I am, probably younger than all of you.
Maybe we can just, like Abi (or was it Cayke) suggested, make a few more RPs? The CB hasn't been feeling so bad for me 'cause I'm sticking to RPs and Ski Lodges. It shouldn't be SUPER-negative, but there does need to be a bit of un-optomism to it. Please, no one leave!!! We need everybody!!!!
(June 15, 2016 - 10:51 am)
@Cho, you said, "Yeah. you just summed it up. *smiles sadly*
Here's where most of my friends are, and now I'm going to go hysterical, just by thinking about it. I love sarcasm." But I thought that you agreed with Esthelle?
(June 15, 2016 - 6:09 pm)
Hello, Everyone! :)
Danie, Mei, and others-- I fully understand why you want to have the freedom to create personal threads on Cricket. I really do. I understand why people feel that this is the one place they can go to share their troubles and to be comforted.
But it is not what Cricket is for. I am fully aware that the Down to Earth section is for discussing the world around you-- but by that, I believe (and Admins, please correct me if I'm wrong) 'the world around you' refers to nature and society and economy and the like. And some may argue that people's personal problems have a definite place in society. That may be so. But I find that Cricket is a way to escape from society-- from the 'Real World'. People don't come here, I believe, to be met with more of the 'Real World'. We all have enough of it in our lives as it is.
Also, the input of Personal Problems Threads is what one can see on practically every other site on the Interweb. Others may not have had the same experiences as I, and I have no right to assume that they have. But I have had the experience of finding a site, being excited about it because people share my interests, and thinking "This one will be fun! Because the people here love the site topic a much as I do-- they wouldn't spoil it, would they?* And then they do.
Cricket seemed to be the one place where that didn't happen. Where people didn't seem to feel like they had to put their problems into eveything they did. Where instead, people put everything that was good and special about them into the community and made their own lives and the lives of many others that much brighter. Turns out, it isn't quite like that.
As for the argument that people of all ages aren't really welcome if they can't share their personal troubles-- where is it proved that being a pre-teen or teenager necessitates sharing their darkness with the world? Is determining that a cease or narrowing-down of personal inflow is better for the community really denying that age group their rights? I am of that age group myself. Also, although it has been pointed out that a removal or lessening of personal threads may make older children feel unwelcome-- how much more for younger children whose parents have given them permission to use the site, and who might withdraw that permission if things get too 'mature'? Younger children who have a selection consisting of practically zero items when it comes to internet sites that accomodate and welcome them?
Once again, the CBers can offer you advice and encouragement, but there is little they can do to make your life better. I would strongly advise you to turn to the real people in your life who know and love you and will do anything to care for you. And if that course of action is not possible to you-- I would still advise you to find help in the things in your real life. I understand that Real Life is not always particularly helpful-- that's why we want to escape from it, after all-- but it is more healthy to judge and interact with one's real sorroundings and the people who actually know and see you.
Indigo, I appreciate your excellent point. Well said. That is why I believe that there should be one or two threads in which people may tell their troubles, and people can help them. I do still believe, however, that people should try to be strong and share their problems with the 'Real People' in their lives. I think that we need to work to keep a continual balance in the Chatterbox-- and personal issues should, I believe, reside in the lesser end of the scale. The troubles problem is a real and heavy one, but Cricket was not designed to bear that weight. Remember that I am a teenager who has personal problems of my own-- and I truly understand why people are repulsed by the idea of a 'happy' site. I am not aiming for such a site-- I am simply aiming for a site in which younger children are more welcome, having been one myself not long ago.
I hope that I have not offended anyone. I point-blank refuse to call this discussion a 'war'-- because it's not, and if we are sensible, it will never be. I have more to say, but this comment is long enough already, don't you think? ;)
(June 18, 2016 - 9:42 am)
Well said, however, to the point. Is this or is this not a problem? If it is a problem, then how would we go about fixing it?
Please explain how you see this a problem in concert terms, as there aren't actually that many personal problem threads. l cannot see a problem with the threads or the effect that they are causing.
You say the Cricket was not designed to bear the weigh of the threads, but they have been around since the lanuch of this website. If not designed, then we certainly have adjusted.
l do not know how long you're been around, however l've been here longer and these threads are nothing new. If there was a problem, don't you think we all would have noticed it a bit sooner? Unless the only problem is the one that lives only in your mind.
As stated before, l see no real problem here.
(June 18, 2016 - 11:09 am)
Like many of us have said before, telling about our personal problems has ALWAYS been a part of cb. And young people still joined anyways. I'm not sure what's different now.
(June 18, 2016 - 11:44 am)
Esthelle, I still disagree with you on a few points, though you did make an excellent argument.
First, here it is straight. If threads asking advice are so heavily discouraged or banned. . . I'm leaving.
Because I like to see you all as friends, as people, who have problems once in a while, and it makes me so happy when someone trust me and the rest of the CBers with their issues. It does take a lot of courage for me to tell you guys, "I need help!" It's not like I'm blindly tossing my problems to a bunch of random people who MAY be able to support me. You are my friends. My people. My family. My brothers and sisters. And I don't want my friends, my people, my brothers and sisters, to be cheerfully fake and perfect.
Because you're real people, real hands who type out RP posts and who laugh at AE wars. You do have problems, because everyone does. I do. If you all never posted your problems, never said, I need help, I need a hug, things are sad for me, then I would feel...
Alone.
Like I was the only one with problems, who sometimes cried myself to sleep at night, who occasionally feels like the world is against me. And if I told you these things, I know you would say, "The world's not against you. We're on your side, Abi." And I would say the same to any of you. Because you are my friends, and I love you.
And tell me.
Tell me that doesn't help when you're sad.
Tell me right now that it's not as valuable when someone online says it in oppositon to someone's face you can see.
We're as real as anyone you see in the "real world". Just because you don't see our faces, or hear our voices, or maybe not know our real age, you are as much my friends as the ones I see at school every day. I've been here quite a while, and I'd like to think I've seen a lot since the just-turned-eleven year old clicked on to CB and wrote a post in BaB.
Which brings me to your point about younger CBers. I think the vast majority of CBers are over ten years old, and probably none under eight. So where are these incredibly young, innocent children who need to be sheltered from the world?
I know when I was nine, I hated being sheltered. I wanted people to tell it to me straight, and I disliked adults and older kids pretending life was dandy for my sake. Because I knew the world was real and it was hard. And there are also great beautiful things in it, and there ARE many great beautiful things on CB!
I firmly believe that personal threads do not "ruin" the site. I believe it enhances the beauty of our friendships and shows that we really do trust each other. That's what I love about CB. The writing is great, the RPs are so, so, fun, the book discussions are awesome, but I love most the friendships.
It's what differs us from other sites. We're small, close-knit, and trusting. We are more than acquantancies through the internet, we are, as I have said, friends. And I tell my friends my problems. They tell me theirs, and I try to help, and if I can't, I give them a huge hug and tell them they're amazing. How is that so different from what we do on CB?
Depression is real. Crushes are real. Friend problems are real. And YOU guys are real. I'm not going to block it off. I'm not going to pretend everything is perfect on CB or in life.
'Cause it's not. It really isn't, and if I can never tell you when I'm sad, or if I am hated on for trying to get a virtual hug, then I'm leaving.
I'm serious.
If I can't have the CB friendships with the rough edges, the confiding, the problems, then I have nothing for CB. I can write elsewhere. I can RP elsewhere. I can have book discussions elsewhere. What I can't have elsewhere is you guys specifically.
And if I can't have you as people, and only as totally happy, perfect, figments of the internet?
Then I don't want it. If you don't like threads about personal problems, don't go to DtE. Stay in Inkwell or BaB, or even Pudding's Place. If you don't want the friendships to the fullest, be my guest. But I'm never, ever, going to stop telling you my problems and treating you as friends. Because that's what friends are for, right?
The good times and the laughter, but also the boo-boos and the tears. You can tell me, hey, it's OK. The world is good. There are fluffy puppies and chocolate and Harry Potter books. There are friends and CB and virtual hugs. I'd tell you all this a million times.
Because I love you guys so, so much, as people, not as perfection.
-Abigail
(June 18, 2016 - 12:44 pm)
In the same way that you started this thread by assuming that the creaking" of Chatterbox is due to the presence of the personal problem threads -- an assumption that I said before is really impossible to support short of polling -- you continue to make assumptions that really are not based on anything but your say so.
1) You cannot assume that all younger cbers are in need of the kind of protection you seem to be calling for. I know of plenty of 9 year olds that are more mature than even some older teens that I know. Plus you seem to forget that the admins already moderate this site.
2) You cannot assume that only the writers of the personal threads benefit from them. I would argue and have argued that some readers also benefit from reading these kind of threads.
3) You cannot assume that all CBers, young or old, even view these threads in the same way as you seem to do: i.e. a real downer.
I personally see them just as part of everyday life.
I get it that you and other cbers, younger and older, may not like reading these kinds of threads, but a simpler and fairer solution is what the admins have already suggested which is to request that people who plan to post such a thread label them more appropriately so those CBers who really would rather not read such threads can easily avoid them. And in the same way that people don't read/join every RP or story here because they either don't have the time or are not interested in them, people can decide for themselves whether to read such threads. How simple is that?
(June 18, 2016 - 2:46 pm)
"I'd also remind everyone that, although the CBers here will offer advice, sympathy, and words of cheer there is little we can actually DO for you." --Esthelle
What do you mean? Advice, sympathy, and words of cheer mean everything!
(June 18, 2016 - 12:11 pm)
Thank you for your comments, everyone! I would like to think about them, and I will comment next week when I have time. Goodnight all! :)
(June 18, 2016 - 9:21 pm)
@Esthelle:
I don't know, Esthelle. Some CBers really need the support that the CB gives, and saying that people can't talk about the sad events in their lives, to take a minute, vent, and get support is kind of unfair. Not everyone has a real person to talk to, and the Chatterbox can really help.
On threads where someone shares an issue in their lives, like depression or a friend problem, an embarrising crush, a bully, or anything else, I usually say something insanely cheesy like " You can always talk to us" or "the CBers are here for you" but if we block out the problem, pretend it doesn't exist, those statements, cheesy as they may be, are complete and utter lies. You can't help someone if you refuse to lookat the problem.
Instead of holding someone's hand in the dark, it's a bit like locking them in a dark basement.
I'm really sorry if this comes out a bit mean, it's just my opinon of this idea. I don't mean to villify you- you're a wonderful,optimistic,book lover and an awesome CBer! I love you, but I just disagree with this idea.
(June 18, 2016 - 5:23 pm)
Esthelle, now I'm glad that you made this thread.
What Abi wrote was so beautiful that it gave me the chills! Abigail S, I agree wholeheartedly.
(June 18, 2016 - 6:10 pm)
It looks to me as this is everyone else vs. Esthelle. So, that means that most people agree that the CB should stay the same. In that case, please start ignoring this thread and continuing with the CB, please. There is no point in continuing to argue.
(June 18, 2016 - 10:47 pm)
Well, Cho is sort of in the middle…
(June 19, 2016 - 1:26 pm)
I agree and understand both sides of the problem. I like the idea of making a thread just for life problems, though.
(June 19, 2016 - 8:15 am)