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Chatterbox: Down to Earth
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Okay. I don't like when other people enter these kinds of comments, but I think something needs to be said.
The Chatterbox is beginning to creak at the seams. It's still a ways away from falling apart, but that event is coming. New joiners scarcely ever come back, and the subject-pages are clogged and seem to be decaying a little. Why?
Not because of the Politics Thread. Not because of the petty 'wars' that take place every now and again. Not because of differences in views.
It is, in my mind, a result of the new in-flow of personal threads that has been going on for a bit now. This is a very touchy and sensitive subject, and I don't know if I'm really authorized to speak on it, and the Admins shouldn't publish it if it hurts the community. All right.
By personal threads, I mean those threads people start in which they talk about the problems they are having in their lives.
Now let me get one thing straight-- I wholey understand why these threads are made. I get why people want to share their sad experiences with folk they like, but don't really know in real life and will probably never meet. It's not difficult or embarassing to empty your troubles out into the cyber-ears of people you will never see, but who like you and will be happy to condole, empathize, and sympathize with, and encourage, you. With 'real' people, you have to calculate with your real relationships with those people, and also face losing their respect or regard or friendship, or just the embarassment and general discomfort of discussing things like this with them. I get all of this.
But I think that is not what the Chatterbox is for. It is for writing and reading and for sharing the love of these things, and for the fellowship of people like oneself in a safe, comfortable and free environment. It is the best site for this purpose that I have ever seen. Kids of all ages can feel welcome here, and can interact with others without being condescended to or looked down upon. Or that was how it used to be. When I first joined, things were brighter and busier. Now they seem to be on the way to stagnation.
People, especially those who are quite young, come here to be happy. They do not come to be battered with everyone's emotional and often 'mature' problems. These problems clog up the site and make especially younger prospective joiners feel unwelcome. It takes from the reading-and-writing aspect of the site, and even occasionally challenges the safety aspect, too.
I know that this is asking a lot, but-- could people perhaps find another place to share their problems? I am aware that this is a readily available place where you stand little danger of being ridiculed or disregarded, where comfort and encouragement is always available, and where you can at last relieve yourself a little of some of the burdens of your life. But that just isn't what the Chatterbox is for.
I'd also remind everyone that, although the CBers here will offer advice, sympathy, and words of cheer there is little we can actually DO for you. I would advise you to take courage and look to the 'real' people in your life, who can really help you. It does no one any good for someone to neglect their relationships wth the people they meet every day, and to pour themselves out into people they will never meet.
Please understand that I am not angry with anyone, that I am in no way attempting to offend or hurt anyone, and that I'm not trying to be a goody-goody. I'm truly sorry if I have caused any damage. Please don't anyone take this wrong! And Admins, if this thread is publication-appropriate, please give it a chance! 'Bye! :)
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Esthelle. There are still plenty of writing and book threads on Chatterbox, but let's see if others agree that there are too many personal problem threads.
Admin
submitted by Esthelle (Es-thel-ay, age Anonymous, Rivendell (I wish) ;)
(June 11, 2016 - 3:20 pm)
(June 11, 2016 - 3:20 pm)
I'll stop being "the person with the blank name" because anonymity is a cheap disguise.
Abigail - Well said, but I think the point Esthelle is trying to get across is that as much as you may love us, we are NOT your friends and family. We are NOT your brothers and sisters.
You don't really know us at all, and I think Esthelle is trying to say that you should instead to the people you do know for problems like these.
(June 19, 2016 - 7:55 pm)
Frankly, you guys know more about I me than my own friends do. Maybe it's just because I spend too much time here, but it's a lot easier to ask help from Chatterboxers than people in our own lives.
(June 20, 2016 - 6:37 am)
Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's right.
(June 20, 2016 - 2:00 pm)
Cheers, HAB!
(June 22, 2016 - 3:05 pm)
*sigh* I am aware. I was attempting to be somewhat metaphorical.
(June 20, 2016 - 11:17 am)
The metaphor is fairly deluding, however, because we are not, and there are people who are. And you should trust the people who are, and you should come to them first instead of people who only know you as a character on a website and can only do so much to help.
(June 20, 2016 - 1:58 pm)
I'm not sure it is any more deluding than the "real" relationships that we have with our physical family and friends if those relationships are based on shallow representations of ourselves. First and foremost, I'm all for letting people deciding these things for themselves. Likewise, if people find it helpful to post their troubles on this site and also find people's responses sufficient, by definition they are telling you it is helpful, and no one on here can say it is otherwise. I'm sorry, they just can't, at least not very convincingly. I have read enough of such posts and I have never heard anyone say, "Well, what else can you do for me?" or "You guys are no help." On the contrary, they thank people and some just seem really glad to be able to vent to something other than a diary. Has no one ever considered that the people who post already know the limits of posting their troubles on here and the limits of people's support? Come on. Is it really so hard for the people who would rather not read such posts to just not read them? I, for one, already don't read every RP or story out there. And as I said before, I have not read any personal post on this site that does not come under the category of everyday life.
(June 20, 2016 - 3:51 pm)
Excuse me, HAB, but I must take this moment to very strongly argue against your opinion. Here's the thing, I love my parents, and they love me, but the fact is, they don't understand me and my problems. I've tried confiding in them, and it just doesn't work. I'm not saying you shouldn't confide in your parents, I'm just saying it doesn't work for me. I am the oldest in my family, I have no elder sibling to turn to. The only people who understand me are my generation, and that means you guys. You are my social life, and my best friends. And you aren't just characters either. You are real people, and I know many of you off the CB. You have helped me to become who I am now. Before I was able to pour out my problems to you, I was an awkward, ignored loner. Now, I can stand up for myself. Confiding in you have me confidence. And that's what I want you to understand. It doesn't matter that I've never seen or talked to you in real life. You've reached out to me through our computer screens, and that's changed my whole life. Thank you for reading.
(June 20, 2016 - 4:16 pm)
I agree with Shady that there is no problem here.
(June 20, 2016 - 2:46 pm)
Yeah, we're starting to argue just for the sake of arguing.
(June 20, 2016 - 5:49 pm)
Mei--To add on to what H.A.B. said, if you have a very real problem in your life, though it's probably hard to, you should take it to the people in real life, who that problem directly affects. We can offer advice and emotional support, but it is better to talk to your family.
?--But....the relationships here are a shallow representation of ourselves, far more then real life because we only have words. Also, no one's said "You guys are no help" because there is an expectation of politness here. l do not oppose asking for advice, but please, people, talk to people in real life.
(June 20, 2016 - 8:08 pm)
I disagree. I think it depends on what you make the words say. If the words that you use reflect the real you, they reflect the real you whether you say them on an online forum or to someone face to face. In other words, people can be as real or as fake as they want online or among the real people in their lives. There are differences between the two forms of intereacting but I don't think we can automatically assume that one is more shallower, less real than the other. It depends. As for expectations of politeness here, I agree. They also exist in our physical
interactions. But my point was not really to draw attention to what was left unsaid but what was actually said. People go on and on about how CBers can't really be of much help, and I'm telling you to go back and read what people have actually said in response to receiving responses to their personal posts. Actually, go read some of the posts on this thread. I don't know about you, but it's pretty clear to me that people who have written such posts are saying/have said that these posts have been helpful. I get it that people are really trying to encourage CBers to build more meaningful relationships with those physically around them. And that's great, but such a response assumes too many things in my opinion. 1) It assumes that people don't have meaningful
relationships with the physical people in their lives. They may but would just rather not share certain things with them or maybe just not at this moment. 2) It assumes that everybody is surrounded by the same type of people, people who are understanding and easy to talk to. And that if everybody just learned to speak up about their problems at home, they will discover/have these cozy relationships. Sorry but I know a few people who don't have that. I'm just glad that I'm not in their shoes!! Enough said. 3) It assumes that what they're asking from you/us
is more than you can reasonably give. You know what I think? I think most if not all just want to be listened to. They already know the limits of this forum. But if certain people don't want to listen, that's fine. Those people can just move on to the next thread. Let's just not deprive other people of their choice to listen if they want to.
(June 21, 2016 - 10:08 am)
You completely missed the point. l am not saying that you cannot ask for help here. Go ahead. l could care less. l am saying that though the people around you may not understand you or be easy to talk to, the problem you have affects them, not us. Yes, it's easier to talk to us, but we are not in your physical world or your life. These people are. This problem directly affects them. We don't know you, really, who you are or how you live. We are not affected directly by your problems. It doesn't matter if they're hard to talk to, or something else, this isn't our problem in our lives, it's yours in your life.
Also, who is the "real you"? l happen to know that here l am a shallow character of myself in the physical world. Everything l have ever written here could be a lie. You do not know who l am. None of us do. We are, truely, characters. We make up names for ourselves, stories, personalities, interactions. We're not "real" to each other, not in the sense that we are not human, but in the sense that we cannot naturally, honestly interact with each other. And maybe it's a good thing, maybe it isn't. Maybe you like this form of interaction better then real life. That's fine.
(June 21, 2016 - 2:34 pm)
Sorry. I did not mean to just lump you into the "no personal thread posts." You repeated something that has been used by other people (for example, Esthelle) to discourage such posts, and it was mostly that and the implied assumptions that I was responding to. My response to those assumption still apply.
As for the notion of "real you" and honest interaction...I have actually been thinking about these things on and off for a while now, and I really don't want to get into it too much because frankly it makes my head hurt. But here are some of my thoughts: Shallow representations of ourselves can exist offline as it does online. The real question seems to be can we have real meaningful interaction online as we do offline? I think so. The fact that it is possible and fairly easy for people to misrepresent themselves online by itself doesn't necessarily mean that
everybody does which opens the door, I think, to real meaningful interaction online. I'm not saying that people should give out
their real names, addresses, etc., but if people exchange their real thoughts/views about certain things....Can they have real meaningful interaction? Yes, I think so. Can you be totally sure that someone is actually presenting their real self online, no not really, and I realize that there is a certain amount of trust involved here, but the way I see it offline interactions also involve a certain amount of trust. You expect people offline to tell you the truth until you find that they didn't. But while we can't be totally sure of what people say online, I think we can get a fair sense of who people are just by looking at what they say over time to us and to other people. In other words, people's real views about certain things tend to be fairly consistent over time. For example, I don't know Mei-xue offline. While I can't say for sure if she is as outspoken offline as she is online, I think I can tell with a certain degree of certainty where she really stands on certain political issues and how passionate she is about them. I'll even go as far as to wager that she is...persistent to some degree? (LOL) -- Mei-xue, I say that with the utmost respect. Truly. :) -- And even if she is not as outspoken offline as she is online, whose to say that this outspoken self is also not part of who she is even though it only shows itself in certain circumstances in much the same way, I am a certain way among strangers and another way among friends or family. So yeah, I think you can have real meaningful interaction online. Is it the same as offline interactions, no but people I think know that. Is that the only kind of interaction that people want in their lives, I don't think so. At least I haven't heard anyone say so.
This is my last post on this thread. There really isn't much more that I can say that I haven't already said. Again, I hope the personal threads continue.
(June 22, 2016 - 9:08 am)
Eh, whatever. l forgot what we where even aruging about.
But, one last point. Aren't you one to talk about shallow interaction and trust and meaningful interaction when you aren't even going under your own [user]name.
(June 22, 2016 - 11:10 am)