i'm late, i know, but...

I get it.  I know how you feel, being lonely.  A lot of the time I feel like i'm my only friend.  I have conversations with myself.  I share my feelings with myself.  I comfort myself.  I play games with myself.  I do everything i'd do with a friend... by myself.

I want so much to be a part of a friend group, people who i can really be myself with,  people who get me, who won't judge me, who are there for me no matter what.  And I have friends, I guess, so sometimes i berate myself for thinking i don't and being ungrateful or whatever, but we don't... talk a lot, really.  Some of them, I can't even meet their eye, because i feel like they're a stranger to me.  All of them have friends they're close to, really close to, like what I want to have.  I don't know if any of them even really like me.  You guys are actually the people i feel get me the most, but... there's only so close you can get to someone who you can't even tell your own name.

your post touched me, i guess, because i could understand a lot of what you felt, and I want you to know i'm here for you.  I don't even know who you are, but I believe in you.   Id like to think of we knew each other in real life, we'd be friends.  Thanks for sharing.  i know this isn't a super helpful post, but... i'm rooting for you.

I feel transgender- I feel like a boy but I don't know how to tell my parents bc until recently last year I was really girly and stuff, and now I feel like a boy. I was thinking I'd wait until pride month for some reason but idk. Idk hiw to say that.

Can someone help me? 

*stomps in room* 

*slams door*

*runs to closet, closes door*

*sobbing*

my literal mood right now :( 

I just have some weird, unimportant stuff that I need to put down somewhere. . .

I have only ever had crushes on boys. only one "real" one, it lasted for 6ish months maybe but it's over now, I knew he was kind of a jerk the whole time but you just don't get to choose. . 

That's all fairly normal i guess. But what differs is that I really don't enjoy boy-girl romances. Reading them, hearing about them. They've alway struck me as, I don't know, gross? a bit immature-sounding i guess but whatever. But i've more recently had access to more diverse reading material/other stuff, and I like reading the lgbtq+ things, especially girl-girl stuff. i'm really not at my best in terms of explaining right now, sorry. To be a bit clearer, I enjoy lesbian romances and I'm not entirely sure why because I can't really relate to them having been "straight" my whole life, as far as I can tell. I have also never really enjoyed the idea of dating someone, which adds to the unrelatability and overall strangeness. 

I don't know, things are weird, thanks admins for reading this dumb post but it does feel good to just say it somewhere. 

So I think a lot of people are confused about what's been with me lately.... so here it is.

We'll get to the interesting part later. First- stress. I have piano, bass, vocals, backing vocals, a play, band, youth group, national junior honors society, homework, and LOTS of shows. I had one last night. I spend 7.5 hours a day doing all of that, and it's not enough time.

okayyyy now here's the... idk. Where do I start? I was in a play a month ago, and the guy I liked told me he didn't like anyone. So I thought I should tell him I liked him. I chickened out and said "nevermind" when I was about to tell him. He texted me later saying he thought he knew what I was gonna say but to say it anyways. His guess was right. Aaaaaand he rejected me, saying I was too good for him. It made me feel weird because at the time I was insecure and thought that everyone was too good for ME. Anyways this all started a toxic close friendship, where we were constantly apologizing to each other and would always bring up what happened between us. It got really bad. I stopped liking him pretty quickly, but we got too close for comfort. We would text 50 times a day. So I told him I needed space, and he gave it. Seriously, the fact that he respected me made me feel SO happy. Oh hey, but remember earlier when he told me he didn't like anyone? YEAH, that was a lie. I know who he likes. I don't like that he lied to me... because the only reason any of this happened was because he said he didn't like anyone. I know it sounds like I'm being overdramatic, but this guy was toxic. I'm not gonna get into how... but let's just say that he fished for compliments and pity CONSTANTLY. To the point where it wasn't okay and honestly made it seem like he was using my crush on him for his own enjoyment. We're okay now, though. I think?

It got worse last night, though, because I like someone else. Aaaaand his best friend has known for a while and is making it very obvious to him. But he's oblivious. Anywho, I'm talking to his best friend, we'll call him Camouflage, about my crush. And my crush's brother... Sunglasses comes. And he says that me and Camouflage are dating. Nope wrong girl, my best friend likes Camouflage and I like Camouflage's best friend. Ironic, I know. Sunglasses leaves, and my crush comes. Camouflage puts his arm around my crush's shoulders and says, (we're gonna call him Beanie) "Beanie, are you simping for Starli?" And I casually walk away. And I see Sunglasses join their convo. So I'm existing and mildly freaking out outside the room they're now talking in, when Sunglasses comes out. The rest come out too, but Sunglasses walks up to me. He asks, "Are you simping for Beanie?" I say, "I dunno, am I?" He says, "Yes." "Why would you ask," I respond, "if you already supposedly know the answer?" I don't know what he says, but I end up telling him I do like Beanie. And he walks away and tells me he was joking when he said Camouflage and I are dating. I didn't talk to Beanie the rest of the night (this all happened at a concert all of the ppl in this and I were performing in) but I did talk to Camouflage. Not about that, though. So yeah, I have no idea whether he knows or not, but if he didn't already, then he does now. Sunglasses would definitely tell him.

OH YEAH, and this happened while I was texting the guy from the first part, but he has no idea it happened. He just knows that Camouflage thinks I act like an old married couple with this jerk boy who I hate. The jerk boy has had a TON of girlfriends and cheated on all of them.

And Beanie likes a different girl, too.

also despite everything, now I'm confident. And I wasn't before. And I'm an extrovert. What? 

Sorry about this long ranting post, but... there it is. Sorry.

i might have a crush on someone, but i dont know if i do because i am able to think, wow, that was a terrible idea. but i still kinda want to just hang out in a tree with him forever, so i'm not sure if i actually have a crush on him?

i also might have crushes on WoF characters :P mostly Qibli or Swordtail 

mostly Qibli though.