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Funny Things my
Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket
Funny Things my
Funny Things my Friends Have Said, which is either number five or six. I know Abi usually does this but I couldn't resist making another one, since they always make me laugh. Also, I've learned to write down funny things my friends & family say.
"You DON'T need to tell me where my FACE is."
"I cordiallly invite you to play Assassin's Creed tonight...no wait, scratch that, I'll eat toast."
"You should dye your hair light black!"
"I hit Inara!" "No, you hit the chair, and will you STOP THROWING THE CHICKEN!"
"My goat supply is secure!!"
"We're going to a Hunger Games tournament." "REALLY?" "No, it's just archery class." "Aww..."
"Does technology include Oreos? Just wondering."
"Kylo Ren is a shiny crab that SINGS."
-that time when my friend Sarah was describing her plan to become a hermit and live in a hut in the woods, (out of her exasperation with humanity) and our friend Maggie overheard the conversation, made an indignant expression, and said "Did you steal my plan?" and then said "Well, we'll just have to have a hermit rivalry, then."
"DEATH PICKLES."
"Guys! We need to go and set up lawn chairs in the mall and get into wizard robes and sit and Avada Kedavra everyone who walks by, and see how long we can go before the police show up and detain us."
"You read E-BOOKS??" "Yeah...?" "I OFFICIALLY HATE YOU."
"It was REALLY good, although I'm sure you could poke a dozen holes in the plot with a toothpick"
"I ended up pacing back and forth until like 1:00"
"Miraculous Ladybug Is The Only Repetitive Show I Like."
"I'm quite chuffed about how these characters have turned out."
submitted by Leafpool, age Finite, This side of reality
(February 16, 2018 - 4:47 pm)
(February 16, 2018 - 4:47 pm)
"Okay everybody repeat after me: CROISSONT!! (Pronounced CU-AH-SAUW)"
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" "So that you could tell this stupid joke for the millionth time." "Hey that's not too far from the truth..."
"YESSS I FINALLY MASTERED THOSE TWO STUPID DANCES!!!"
"MANATEE! MANATEE! MANATEE!"
"I saw it coming for my face and I just stood there like 'Oh hey look the giant soccer ball is heading for my face...' And then it hit me... Quite litterally."
"SMART PEOPLE CAN BE CREATIVE TOO!!" "YEAH BUT NOBODY CARES ABOUT A QUADRATIC FORMULA ON A CHALKBOARD!!" *Stares* "Remind me why you are my friend again?"
"I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM BACK - HE FUFILLS ALL OF YOUR CRITERIA FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!
(June 24, 2018 - 2:26 am)
UAAAAHHHHH! BEHOLD MY LIGHTING, MORTALS! HAH HA HA HA HAAAAAHHHHH! *Sips milkshake* Mmm, not bad- PEW PEW PEW I HAVE THE POWER
(July 10, 2018 - 7:22 am)
HYPERUNCONTROLABLLYWILDTOP!!! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THIS THREAD IS ALIVE AGAIN!!!
(July 26, 2018 - 5:59 pm)
Top!
(July 26, 2018 - 8:12 pm)
- Hello there, my name is ____ I will tie you in a bow.
- I could go on and on telling you about this crazy, repetitive, heartbreaking story that I like to call my life.
- YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE PRAWNS
- I'mtalkingreallyfastallofasuddenandIdon'tknowwhypleasehelpIthinkIhadtoomuchsuger.
- Stop it RIGHT NOW or I will turn you inside out!!!!
- Teacher: "What did you do over the holidays?" Friend: "You don't want to know."
- There's no such place as Nyook!
- Don't be scared! Rhinos are just battle-unicorns, you know.
- I think I'm more likely to know my favourite colour than you are.
(July 26, 2018 - 8:52 pm)
Yessssssss it's back!
"I have to sneeze!" "Okay then. You go ahead and sneeze."
"Name her something totally ridiculous." "Um... Miss Bossy Mossy Chicken Nugget."
"You're a dopleganger, at least you're the happy one-"
"And we hate rasins that act like... aggressive yoga teachers!"
"Hello I'm Bob, I um... package underwear for a living."
"First thing's first, there's a cow in the minivan-" "WHAT?!"
"LIL' BABY COW IN A BIG FEILD!!!!!"
*WARNING- INFINITY WAR SPOILER AHEAD* "So, you said 13 people die?" "Yeah." "Well, how many get, like, snapped or whatever?" "Hmm, let's see... accually, there might be more then 13... Um... One, two... Does Nick Fury count?" "Um, YES?!" "Then 16!" "I HATE YOU!!"
"Oh, crapple fritters!"
"Oh look, it's Dad! ... no, wait not Dad. Lady in a fairy shirt."
"Hurtie Gurtie Ice cream??!" "HURTIE GURTIE??!!" "Hurtie Gurtie looks dead."
"Congratulations, Charlie, you just blew up the entire universe by breaking the stick."
(July 27, 2018 - 7:32 am)
My first thought when reading this post:
"Wait the TARDIS was a STICK???"
(July 27, 2018 - 12:52 pm)
"He'll just get stuck as Prince Hubble the depressed pear!"
"THE GREAT WALL OF MOTHER"
"And then it's like Kalluto the carrot!"
"We all know a thirty-year-old man who needs a babysitter!"
You get no explanations here whatsoever lol
(July 27, 2018 - 12:21 pm)
“Not the acid poodles!”
”Seriously, that swimming pool is a death trap,”
”Technology sucks,” *said while playing video games*
”The tomatoes are standing on the crushed blood of their enemies!”
“Give kids free gum, and kids give themselves a problem,”.
”I know three Hazels. One is very fuzzy.”
”You broke the clock again!” “I’m a fast boi” *note: this is a very literal clock that I punched and it shattered*
”Smol must be spelled smol and boi must be spelled boi. I will fight someone on this.”
”I’m the living embodiment of dead memes,”.
”DON’T MOVE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP OR I’LL SHOOT!” *puts hands up* “Ya moved”.
“Look! It’s an alien doing the floss!”
”Ten yams in my bank account!”
”There’s a danger noodle in my toilet,” “Great”
”Here, try this!” “NO DON’T”
”I can do the flying meatball!”
“Do you know da wae,” “no but Moana’s grandpa does”
“At least I don’t have a skunk for a pet- oh crap.”
”yOU CANNOT STOP RIGHT BEFORE HE DOES THE DANCE”
(July 27, 2018 - 2:29 pm)
"Now if you'll excuse me, Robert's Igloo is on fire."
"MY QUESADILLA!" (Prenounced qwas-a-dill-a)
"That's a good-looking taco shed!"
"I'M TWO! I'M TWO! OLIVER, I'M TWO!!!!!"
"I don't like resses." "OLIVER DO YOU HAVE A LIFE"
"... And you're like, 'behold my enchanted diamond hoe!' and Reuben just laughs at you... just yeah."
(July 28, 2018 - 7:28 am)
BEST FUNNIEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID!!!!: " Because Hermione steals socks, that's why."
(July 29, 2018 - 6:13 am)
Friend:”Yeah, so there’s this guy at my dance studio who-“
Me:”Wait, the one with the really nice abs?!”
Friend:”Yeah!!!!!!”
Other friend:”Wait WHAT??!!!!!”
”Did you know that all of the milk in the United Stated is actually produced by five atomic cows and that the government is just hiding all of it?!?”
”Wait, don’t actual unicorns look like rhinos?”
”Don’t judge me I put on makeup when I am emotionally stressed!”*frantically dabs on foundation with brush*
”You know what?”*reaches into cupboard wide eyed and pulls out cough drop bag*”I love cough drops.
“Yeah so my friend told me that I was married to him and that we have six kids and live in Costa Rica.”
(July 28, 2018 - 11:35 pm)
"oh no, she's melting!" "Yeah, she doesn't like that." "No one does." "Yeah, it's not healthy."
"Little ponies, like baloney!"
"Hey guys! My biscuit reminds me of the Millennium falcon!"
"Do you see that broken-down tow truck?"
"Hey guys! AMEN."
"Ear-meer-eer-meow."
"Sorry, I died. Come back later."
"Alright, some rules about ghosts: we're terrible goalies, we're really weird, and we have excellent hair."
(July 31, 2018 - 8:33 am)
Only one, but it's too good to ignore: "yeah, so Loki is the god of tricks, deceptiveness..." "Hmm... I think he's a purple lightsaber."
(July 31, 2018 - 5:22 pm)
These are out-of-contexts from working in the cornfields with high school kids.
"You took a nap in that nasty (censored) porta potty?!"
"If you don't reply in the next 3.8 milliseconds I will EAT ALL YOUR DOGS!"
"Can YOU GUYS SHUT UP! I'm trying to read A FREAKING TRACTOR MAGAZINE!"
"We're trying to be environmentally responsible" "By throwing goldfish into a river??"
"Tyrone is smarter than your average caterpilar"
"Queen Elizabeth is probably finna slap him up"
"Tina, when I get home, I'm deep-frying all our cheese sticks, to dip into yogurt"
"Is beef jerky biodegradable"
(July 31, 2018 - 7:55 pm)