-"Stop petting your elderberries!"

-"You want to know how messed up E is? She just bit my monkey!"

-"I'm going to sit next to you on the bus the entire ride. Is that okay? 

L: *has his hat on backwards* Does my my hat look good like this?

N: *in Russian accent* It’s a leetle beet gangster...but it’s preetty good. 

*at random intervals throughout the day* It’s a leetle beet gangster...but it’s preetty good. 

~ 

“RICHIE!?”

Ha, I've negelcted to post for two weeks... things got... wacky, to say the least.

~"DEATH-FLAVORED POPTARTS"

~"POTATO"

~"Hi, welcome to Chilli's"

"That was such a Richard move, Richard" (person's name is not Richard)

~*Eigth-grader talking to sixth graders* "Okay children, you take either a drum stick or a piece of bread--- I myself prefer the baugette---"

~ me: Bruce Wayne

Logan: Yes, Eliza is our Bruce Wayne

~"I think we've all died like 5 billion times metaphorically... and then a couple times for real"

~ LL: Can I have a napkin?

Logan: Uhh, I think B has a mop on his head

~ LL: Why wouldn't you give one to Eliza?

C: she's mean to me

Me: Oh yeah I stabbed him

~"Did your pen just parkour across my finger?"

~"Zootopia is like dystopian for animals"

~"We have booger dilemnas"

~"The Asguardian Shark Slayer is dead!!!"

~"Is that FABIO??!!"

~"We had to stop after the Papel Chainsaw"

~"The priest is flirting with LL!"

~"If you're dying, just live!"

~"Every time Iron Man eats a sandwich: woww"

~"Pain and suffering and despair, people dying everywhere, happy birthday..."

~"Every time Cap throws his sheild: Mike Wazowski"

~"Like Duck Duck Goose but Jeff Jeff Richard"

~"Written by Shrek and Jeff Sphagett" 

"FRISK DON' TOUCH PAPS'S SPAGETT"

"WHY NOT"

*Can't pronounce Megalovania* "BECAUSE MEGELOLOVANANA"

~

My friend: Oh that person's cute... *Elbows me* Don't ya think?

Me: I am indifferent.

Friend: UGH you're gonna find someone someday...

Me: Nah fam I'm too lazy to be romantic

~

"BECAUSE KEESE HATS"

~

"The floors are strong with this one-"

"Ah yes, the powers of teeny teeny skeetles"

~

"What kind of an old man noise is that???"

~

*Choking* "Jerky juice is not oxygen-" 

- M: Wanna play laser tag?

H: I don't like laser tag any more, remember??

M: Look, it's not my fault you keep running sideways into trees -

H: First of all, the first time it was a picnic bench, and how was I supposed to see that bike in the dark?! 

-S: *fooling around with cake icing* "This is awesome and creepy, but it's awesome."

-F: "You need to wipe it off first."
S: "Or I could just eat it off."
M, R, and L: "NONONONONONONONO!"
R: *laughing hysterically*

-S and M: "NO I DON'T KNOW WHY!?" *collapse on counter laughing*

-M: "I have Veggietales stuck in my head, so I've been singing Veggietales all day."
S: "Why have you been singing Veggietales?"
M: "..." 

-Me: "Time flies when you're panicking over pichers. Pictures. Pic-churs. Churs. Churs, churs, churrrrrrzzzz."

Su: "What?"

Me: "CHURS!" *maniacal laughter*

~

(this one takes some explanation, but it's totally worth it)
So, me and a bunch of friends were sitting on the floor in a circle, playing _________. (Dunno what it's called) Where one person goes out of the room, and the rest of the people decide something that's "wrong with them", and then the other person comes back in, and they can ask ___ number of yes/no questions, and then they have to guess what the "problem" is. 

F: "It should be that we all nod!"

R: "Nod to any question?"

F: "Yeah!"

R: "OK, we'll do that. OK, M, you can come back in, we're ready!" (btw M was "it")

M: "R, are you a boy?"

R: *nods* (btw she's a girl)

Me: *starts laughing hysterically*

M: *raises his voice* "H, are you a girl?" (he's a boy)

H: *nods* 

Me: *still laughing*

M: *asks several more questions and is ready to guess* "OK, my guess is that M(me, Nyx) is laughing way too hard."

~

Okay, so it's funnier when you're there but whatever.