Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!

-"YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME?  *continued*" 

-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

L: *has his hat on backwards* Does my my hat look good like this?

N: *in Russian accent* It’s a leetle beet gangster...but it’s preetty good. 

*at random intervals throughout the day* It’s a leetle beet gangster...but it’s preetty good. 

“RICHIE!?”

“Is that a fork with a butt?”
submitted by Leeli
(August 30, 2019 - 7:41 am)

Ha, I've negelcted to post for two weeks... things got... wacky, to say the least.

~"DEATH-FLAVORED POPTARTS"

~"POTATO"

~"Hi, welcome to Chilli's"

"That was such a Richard move, Richard" (person's name is not Richard)

~*Eigth-grader talking to sixth graders* "Okay children, you take either a drum stick or a piece of bread--- I myself prefer the baugette---"

~ me: Bruce Wayne

Logan: Yes, Eliza is our Bruce Wayne

~"I think we've all died like 5 billion times metaphorically... and then a couple times for real"

~ LL: Can I have a napkin?

Logan: Uhh, I think B has a mop on his head

~ LL: Why wouldn't you give one to Eliza?

C: she's mean to me

Me: Oh yeah I stabbed him

~"Did your pen just parkour across my finger?"

~"Zootopia is like dystopian for animals"

~"We have booger dilemnas"

~"The Asguardian Shark Slayer is dead!!!"

~"Is that FABIO??!!"

~"We had to stop after the Papel Chainsaw"

~"The priest is flirting with LL!"

~"If you're dying, just live!"

~"Every time Iron Man eats a sandwich: woww"

~"Pain and suffering and despair, people dying everywhere, happy birthday..."

~"Every time Cap throws his sheild: Mike Wazowski"

~"Like Duck Duck Goose but Jeff Jeff Richard"

~"Written by Shrek and Jeff Sphagett" 

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(September 2, 2019 - 2:08 pm)

Every time Iron Man eats a sandwich?? *Cries tears of amusement*

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(September 3, 2019 - 5:06 pm)

"FRISK DON' TOUCH PAPS'S SPAGETT"

"WHY NOT"

*Can't pronounce Megalovania* "BECAUSE MEGELOLOVANANA"

~

My friend: Oh that person's cute... *Elbows me* Don't ya think?

Me: I am indifferent.

Friend: UGH you're gonna find someone someday...

Me: Nah fam I'm too lazy to be romantic

~

"BECAUSE KEESE HATS"

~

"The floors are strong with this one-"

"Ah yes, the powers of teeny teeny skeetles"

~

"What kind of an old man noise is that???"

~

*Choking* "Jerky juice is not oxygen-" 

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 2, 2019 - 5:51 pm)

*sees first one* OH MY GOSH I LOVE THOSE MEMES

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(September 4, 2019 - 4:01 pm)

YUS THIS FILLS ME WITH DETEMMIENATION

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 6, 2019 - 3:24 pm)

- M: Wanna play laser tag?

H: I don't like laser tag any more, remember??

M: Look, it's not my fault you keep running sideways into trees -

H: First of all, the first time it was a picnic bench, and how was I supposed to see that bike in the dark?! 

submitted by Twirlgirl, age 14, My Imaginary Dance Studio
(September 2, 2019 - 7:17 pm)

Laser tag is AWESOME but I'm ALWAYS the last person standing and I DON'T KNOW WHY

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 4, 2019 - 12:02 am)

Same, Rogue! About laser tag.

submitted by Twirlgirl, age 14, My Imaginary Dance Studio
(September 4, 2019 - 5:43 pm)

Hold on, weren't you always Rogue Wilding, not Wildling? 

submitted by Twirlgirl, age 14, My Imaginary Dance Studio
(September 4, 2019 - 5:48 pm)

Nope! I've always been Rogue Wildling. The L is kinda hard to distinguish between the D and the I, though, isn't it? XP

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 5, 2019 - 1:38 pm)

-S: *fooling around with cake icing* "This is awesome and creepy, but it's awesome."

-F: "You need to wipe it off first."
S: "Or I could just eat it off."
M, R, and L: "NONONONONONONONO!"
R: *laughing hysterically*

-S and M: "NO I DON'T KNOW WHY!?" *collapse on counter laughing*

-M: "I have Veggietales stuck in my head, so I've been singing Veggietales all day."
S: "Why have you been singing Veggietales?"
M: "..." 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(September 3, 2019 - 3:51 pm)

~"Spicy tater tots... on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" *hysterical laughter* 

~*glances at passing car* "Hey, that guy looks like the president of South Korea!"

~ "Stormtroopers smell like roasted socks" 

~"Oh, by the way, I didn't take that selfie of me. WAIT A SEC"

~ "Crescent kicks taste like strawberries"

 

submitted by Fleet, this is going to hurt...
(September 5, 2019 - 11:14 am)

-Me: "Time flies when you're panicking over pichers. Pictures. Pic-churs. Churs. Churs, churs, churrrrrrzzzz."

Su: "What?"

Me: "CHURS!" *maniacal laughter*

~

(this one takes some explanation, but it's totally worth it)
So, me and a bunch of friends were sitting on the floor in a circle, playing _________. (Dunno what it's called) Where one person goes out of the room, and the rest of the people decide something that's "wrong with them", and then the other person comes back in, and they can ask ___ number of yes/no questions, and then they have to guess what the "problem" is. 

F: "It should be that we all nod!"

R: "Nod to any question?"

F: "Yeah!"

R: "OK, we'll do that. OK, M, you can come back in, we're ready!" (btw M was "it")

M: "R, are you a boy?"

R: *nods* (btw she's a girl)

Me: *starts laughing hysterically*

M: *raises his voice* "H, are you a girl?" (he's a boy)

H: *nods* 

Me: *still laughing*

M: *asks several more questions and is ready to guess* "OK, my guess is that M(me, Nyx) is laughing way too hard."

~

Okay, so it's funnier when you're there but whatever. 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(September 5, 2019 - 2:24 pm)

This is what happens when you put two Destiny-obsessed people in close proximity for an evening

-"DECOMPOSING ULDREN SOV"

-"Ikora's vengeful rage tastes like blueberry ramen with no spice"

-"Hurt-flavored ice cream"

-"Pedi-pedi"

-"BUDAPEST!!!"

-"Sorry Don, you're just too tasty"

-"I find Transformers surprisingly relaxing"  

I'll try to provide context, these are pretty weird so I wouldn't be surprised if I need to explain them XD

submitted by Fleet, glittering
(September 6, 2019 - 7:44 am)