Funny Things my

Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

Funny Things my

Funny Things my Friends Have Said, because Leafy's one died but this idea is too good to not have a thread for. Post your funny things here!

-"YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME? YOU SAW ENDGAME?  *continued*" 

-"Which joke is dirtier, Oliver's Cheetos or the fajitas?"

-"Keep it PG, we say *censored* here"

-"Rest in pieces, fidget pen." 

-"Can you do me a favor and put a 'kick me' sign on Oliver?"

-"Captain America is just a 100-year old guy on steriods with a frisbee"

-"You're so disappointed by my lack of Super Mario knowledge"

-Gavin: Eliza is just a girl with messy hair and insomnia

Me: Hey that's not wrong

-"If I saw Dear Evan Hansen my soul would become a pile of goo on the floor."

-"You look like Shrek"

-"I think Logan just called me mentally weak"

-"Oliver should run the 666-meter in track!"

-"This confetti sucks"

-"I am SORRY I do not know what a METHANE HYDRATE IS-" 

submitted by Soren Infinity, age 27 eons , BeaconTown
(April 27, 2019 - 11:05 am)

Every time Iron Man eats a sandwich?? *Cries tears of amusement*

submitted by Leafy, age No, not a cat
(September 3, 2019 - 5:06 pm)

"FRISK DON' TOUCH PAPS'S SPAGETT"

"WHY NOT"

*Can't pronounce Megalovania* "BECAUSE MEGELOLOVANANA"

~

My friend: Oh that person's cute... *Elbows me* Don't ya think?

Me: I am indifferent.

Friend: UGH you're gonna find someone someday...

Me: Nah fam I'm too lazy to be romantic

~

"BECAUSE KEESE HATS"

~

"The floors are strong with this one-"

"Ah yes, the powers of teeny teeny skeetles"

~

"What kind of an old man noise is that???"

~

*Choking* "Jerky juice is not oxygen-" 

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 2, 2019 - 5:51 pm)

*sees first one* OH MY GOSH I LOVE THOSE MEMES

submitted by Luna-Starr, age 27 eons, Existential Ponderment
(September 4, 2019 - 4:01 pm)

YUS THIS FILLS ME WITH DETEMMIENATION

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 6, 2019 - 3:24 pm)

- M: Wanna play laser tag?

H: I don't like laser tag any more, remember??

M: Look, it's not my fault you keep running sideways into trees -

H: First of all, the first time it was a picnic bench, and how was I supposed to see that bike in the dark?! 

submitted by Twirlgirl, age 14, My Imaginary Dance Studio
(September 2, 2019 - 7:17 pm)

Laser tag is AWESOME but I'm ALWAYS the last person standing and I DON'T KNOW WHY

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 4, 2019 - 12:02 am)

Same, Rogue! About laser tag.

submitted by Twirlgirl, age 14, My Imaginary Dance Studio
(September 4, 2019 - 5:43 pm)

Hold on, weren't you always Rogue Wilding, not Wildling? 

submitted by Twirlgirl, age 14, My Imaginary Dance Studio
(September 4, 2019 - 5:48 pm)

Nope! I've always been Rogue Wildling. The L is kinda hard to distinguish between the D and the I, though, isn't it? XP

submitted by Rogue Wildling
(September 5, 2019 - 1:38 pm)

-S: *fooling around with cake icing* "This is awesome and creepy, but it's awesome."

-F: "You need to wipe it off first."
S: "Or I could just eat it off."
M, R, and L: "NONONONONONONONO!"
R: *laughing hysterically*

-S and M: "NO I DON'T KNOW WHY!?" *collapse on counter laughing*

-M: "I have Veggietales stuck in my head, so I've been singing Veggietales all day."
S: "Why have you been singing Veggietales?"
M: "..." 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(September 3, 2019 - 3:51 pm)

~"Spicy tater tots... on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" *hysterical laughter* 

~*glances at passing car* "Hey, that guy looks like the president of South Korea!"

~ "Stormtroopers smell like roasted socks" 

~"Oh, by the way, I didn't take that selfie of me. WAIT A SEC"

~ "Crescent kicks taste like strawberries"

 

submitted by Fleet, this is going to hurt...
(September 5, 2019 - 11:14 am)

-Me: "Time flies when you're panicking over pichers. Pictures. Pic-churs. Churs. Churs, churs, churrrrrrzzzz."

Su: "What?"

Me: "CHURS!" *maniacal laughter*

~

(this one takes some explanation, but it's totally worth it)
So, me and a bunch of friends were sitting on the floor in a circle, playing _________. (Dunno what it's called) Where one person goes out of the room, and the rest of the people decide something that's "wrong with them", and then the other person comes back in, and they can ask ___ number of yes/no questions, and then they have to guess what the "problem" is. 

F: "It should be that we all nod!"

R: "Nod to any question?"

F: "Yeah!"

R: "OK, we'll do that. OK, M, you can come back in, we're ready!" (btw M was "it")

M: "R, are you a boy?"

R: *nods* (btw she's a girl)

Me: *starts laughing hysterically*

M: *raises his voice* "H, are you a girl?" (he's a boy)

H: *nods* 

Me: *still laughing*

M: *asks several more questions and is ready to guess* "OK, my guess is that M(me, Nyx) is laughing way too hard."

~

Okay, so it's funnier when you're there but whatever. 

submitted by Nyx, age 12 years, earth
(September 5, 2019 - 2:24 pm)

This is what happens when you put two Destiny-obsessed people in close proximity for an evening

-"DECOMPOSING ULDREN SOV"

-"Ikora's vengeful rage tastes like blueberry ramen with no spice"

-"Hurt-flavored ice cream"

-"Pedi-pedi"

-"BUDAPEST!!!"

-"Sorry Don, you're just too tasty"

-"I find Transformers surprisingly relaxing"  

I'll try to provide context, these are pretty weird so I wouldn't be surprised if I need to explain them XD

submitted by Fleet, glittering
(September 6, 2019 - 7:44 am)

*a scene appears on tv with pretty scenery around some smokestacks* I gasp in awe and say, “...... POLLUTION!”

-a few weeks after my friend kicks around a Temmie plush, I come up and say to her, Hey, have you suffa Temmies wage yet? (I will tell you the translation if no one gets it)

-Another friend makes this speech a lot for some reason:

I am THOR, SON of Odin, RULER of Asgard, KNEEL before me PATHETIC MORTALS!

It gets better though, when I try my hand at saying the speech and it comes out like this: 

I am Thor, son of Asgard, ruler of Odin! 

-(we decided to make a few plays one time, and one of them was the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible. We didn’t have much props, but we dealt with what we got)

*me as God* “You can eat of every starburst candy here, but you shall not eat of the Doritos of good and evil.”  

-*us watching the world of light cutscene before it shows Kirby living*  

My friend: Welp, everybody died. 

-My friend plays the trumpet  

My other friend: Your trumpet sounds like a dying goose.

-Me: You will need to be punished. Lock her up in the FORTNITE PRISON! *shows rooms with people playing Fortnite*

My friend who is getting ‘punished’: NOOOOOO!

-*friend pretends to die* 

Friend who is dying: I’m dead. 

Me: But-

Friend: I am sorry, I’m dead.

~~~~~~

this post is getting too long I will stop now. Maybe I will make a part 2 sometime! 

submitted by Dusk S., age ????, ????
(September 6, 2019 - 11:18 am)

- "It's like a love quad-angle..." "You mean... a square?"

- "Wait wait wait, what am I supposed to do with the butt now?" 

-"R squared times pi = Captain America"

-"So... then I calculate the area of the butt cheeks--"

-"If you get anything wrong, you DIE"

-"If these pants flare at the bottom, you will face the wrath of a Hunter Nightstalker."

submitted by Fleet, blueberries!
(September 10, 2019 - 7:43 pm)